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[nohalfway]

[ Ellie is pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes shutting tight again as she tries to grasp the reality that she's back in. It's still so hard to believe that Riley is gone... That Ellie is still here, not infected, unscathed as much as she can be. But Matthew's question brings her back, and she looks to him. ]

Um.

[ She makes pause, looking a bit confused. ]

My mom... Actually...

[abduxel]

[Her reactions are fascinating to him.

But when she replies, he looks confused, too, frowning.]

You've met your mom. It's sort of a prerequisite.

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie tilts her head. ]

If... You consider her giving birth to me "meeting her", then... Yeah. But she died right after that.

[abduxel]

[He looks at her for a long moment, and then looks away in thought. With a raised eyebrow and a sly but careful little smile,]

We could try.

[nohalfway]

[ There's a lot of fucking hope in what he just said to her, in that smile. But the look on Ellie's face is pure bewilderment and almost fear. It's one thing reliving memories that you can recall. She'll never forget Riley's face and voice. She's never even seen her mother, heard her. All she knows is her name and how she felt the day Ellie was born. All she has is that letter and knife. ]

[ Her mouth goes agape for a moment, words trying to form in her head but are failing to form on her tongue. ]

[ Ellie blinks a few times, struggling to say the words she wants to say. ]

We could?

[abduxel]

[He shrugs.] You were there. She was there. I should be able to find a memory, even if you can't.

[His eyes are lit, almost mischievous. He's never tried this before, not exactly, and tries to not betray his excitement when he asks,]

Do you want to?

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie catches that glare, that smirk, but her heart is hurting too much to find humor in it. She practically feels like she's dealing with the goddamn devil here, but the temptation... The many years she'd gone just wanting to know who she was... ]

You'd better not be fucking with me, Matthew. All I know is her name. That's it.

[ Which you can take as a yes. ]

[abduxel]

[His lips struggle not to smile farther, and all he says is,]

So tell me, then.

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie stares at him, brows furrowed, her gaze suspicious. But her own curiosity and impulsiveness has her swallowing something hard and dry before she speaks. ]

Anna Williams.

[abduxel]

Anna Williams. Well, let's give this a go. Don't expect too much, Ellie.

[His smile can't be contained, now, and he reaches back into his pocket again, this time wincing a little with the bite of that blade - it's a little tender, to do this in such quick succession in a similar spot - but it's the least conspicuous method.

The ritual is the same, the effects are the same, but this time his spell reaches into her mind for Anna Williams.]

[nohalfway]

[ It happens again, the sudden pull from reality... But Ellie is much more prepared for it this time, letting herself sink into it. Going into it without any idea of what she should expect, however, has her ill. But that illness fades away, changing to a strange feeling of lethargy and fear. ]

[ Ellie hears the sound of crying... The sharp cry of an infant, close and loud when she realizes it's her. Herself as a newborn child. There's the sound of deeper sobs, the sobs of a woman that seems just as close. When her small eyes open, she can see clearly the image of a young woman, early twenties. Her hair is a fiery red, skin cream white and peppered with freckles, bright bluish-green eyes that are glassy with the tears that flow from them and drip over a shaken smile. She's beautiful, young, but there's a sadness in her eyes that only the present Ellie can gauge, not the newborn. ]

[ "Why did you have to be so fucking adorable, huh?" She says through choked sobs. Ellie feels a thumb brush along her cheek, which doesn't quite seem to stop her from crying. Her eyes shift away, taking note that they're outdoors, in the woods... And there's a woman crouched beside her. ]

[ "I know... I know, Ellie. It's not fair. You've been here ten minutes, and I've already failed you." The woman begins to cry harder, sniffling and taking a sharp breath when she looks away. Ellie's eyes catch a glimpse of red on the woman's neck-- A large chunk of her flesh has been ripped out, teeth marks surrounding the gash that the woman beside her applies a fresh rag to. She speaks, "Anna... There's not much time.". ]

[ Marlene. That voice was Marlene. ]

[ Somehow, what she says cuts deep, because Anna begins to cry harder. She tries to stop herself, struggling, looking down to Ellie and shushing her with a kiss to her forehead. She acknowledges what Marlene says, looking down at Ellie one last time and sniffling. ]

[ "You're so perfect..." She says. Marlene interjects again, simply calling for her. "Anna", Marlene is choked up, seemingly, because she stutters in saying her name, but is harsh in saying it. Anna grimaces as she begins to hand Ellie over to Marlene, and all she can hear is Anna breaking out into hysterics as Marlene's arms embrace her. ]

[ It must be a saving grace, because as soon as Marlene's arms touch her and Ellie's crying starts up louder, Ellie snaps back into reality. Her eyes are wide, dazed, and there is a long, long time that she's just staring at Matthew. ]

[abduxel]

[Matthew is staring back with those dark, cold eyes.

He allows the silence to continue for several minutes. Maybe even five or ten. It doesn't make him uncomfortable. He shifts in his chair, leaning back, looking away from her occasionally.

He wonders if the other woman had to kill Anna. He supposes so.

His voice is soft when he speaks again.]

You look like her. Besides the hair.

[nohalfway]

[ It's so strange, having finally seen her own mother, to know who she is. But that mix of feelings is something she can't put her finger on, can't touch and understand. Ellie never heard a word about her father, guessing no one knew who he was. Maybe her mother had a distant boyfriend, or worse... But who was she to know or even say? She's sick and delighted all at the same time, sad and excited... But her memory focuses on that bite, on where they were. Did they try to escape the QZ? But why? ]

[ She hears what Matthew says, and it feels like a compliment, but registers as something hardly close to it. She doesn't feel happy, but she doesn't feel sad either. What the fuck is going on in her chest right now? ]

She...

She was infected.

[ And somehow talking makes her a liar. Ellie's throat begins to burn, her eyes well up and tears immediately start to flood and flow down her face. She's staring out in the distance, dazed and stuck in this living reverie that she can't seem to get out of. ]

[abduxel]

You were bitten, t--

[He doesn't know what to do when she starts crying, stopping mid-word. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, and looks around. Oh, man. What do you do with a crying fourteen year old girl? This was certainly something to cry over. It was extremely heavy, the amount of suffering Ellie had been through. But that didn't make him anymore socially adept.

He looks at her carefully, frowning a bit, tilting his head.]

Do you...

Do you want a hug?

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie is too shocked to even put two and two together that Matthew had seen everything, that he was aware that Ellie had been bitten and that secret was basically out. Not with such a heavy weight on her shoulders. ]

[ Crying in front of something is certainly not something Ellie is proud of or even wants to do. She's done it a few times since her arrival here, but that was with Joel, someone who might try to acknowledge her at least a little but is obviously horrible at it. She'd learned to internalize everything, to move on and try to forget about it. But this was her mother, the woman she'd wanted to know so badly for so long. That image of her face, her beautiful face covered in tears, that will never leave her. But for now? It practically haunts her with that large bite taken out of her. To have to give birth to a child, and then... ]

[ She knows Marlene had to do it. She had to kill her. Ellie had to do it with Riley, after all... ]

[ Ellie doesn't respond to Matthew, because she completely shuts down. She leans forward, putting her face in her hands and just... Losing it. Losing it completely when she can't do anything but feel how much her mom must have suffered. ]

[abduxel]

[He's silent for another few moments, watching her with slightly parted lips and a frown that looks almost concerned.

He slowly reaches out and carefully touches her forearm, ready to pull back if she reacts badly; if she doesn't, he'll just wrap his hand around her wrist in what he thinks might be a comforting gesture.]

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie sits there a while, unmoving and not able to make a change to that. She feels Matthew's touch, but she doesn't react to it. There's a long time that she's stuck in that memory, wishing she could go back and do something but reminding herself that she was a fucking baby. ]

[ The crying goes on for a while... Ten minutes or so. But when reality settles in again, the tears finally stop. She sniffles, hands furiously rubbing at her eyes. And she forces a laugh. ]

Oh my god, this is so fucked up.

[ That's all she can say. ]

[abduxel]

[Once she starts to rub at her eyes, he lets go, leaning back in his seat again.]

Did we go too far?

[nohalfway]

[ Everything starts to come back together for her... The memories, Matthew facilitating them, commenting on them. Her hands suddenly drop from her face and she looks up to him. ]

Did you see it? All of it?

[ Even the part where she'd been bitten? ]

[abduxel]

[He looks for a moment like he doesn't understand the question.]

All of what?

[--Oh. Plainly,]

Yes. Of course I did.

[Is she upset because he saw her emotionally vulnerable? Or maybe because he saw her kiss another girl? (Wouldn't that be a riot.) He looks at her quizzically, waiting for it to come out.]

[nohalfway]

Shit.

[ Ellie sighs, lowering her head a moment to try and keep herself from practically freaking out. Of course he saw all of it. ]

Just...

Can you keep all of that to yourself? Please?

[abduxel]

I'm not interested in telling other people your life story, Ellie, even if someone were to ask me.

[He smiles.]

So did you die, or did the disease not affect you?

[nohalfway]

[ It's getting easier to contain herself, but hardly any easier to process everything she'd just seen. It shows on her face, and she still finds tears needing to be wiped away from her eyes. Ellie takes her sleeve and pulls it over the heel of her hand, drying her face with the fabric. ]

I'm immune.

[ She says very matter-of-factly, but not without deep regret in her voice. ]

[abduxel]

You're so young to have been through this much.

[He says it plainly, not with a sympathetic tone; he isn't great at comforting. He hesitates, unsure what to say.]

I've outlived friends, too. And I died. For what it's worth, I still prefer surviving.

[nohalfway]

Still waiting for the surviving to just...

[ She shrugs. ]

Stop.