nohalfway | IC Contact;

You were bitten, t--

[He doesn't know what to do when she starts crying, stopping mid-word. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, and looks around. Oh, man. What do you do with a crying fourteen year old girl? This was certainly something to cry over. It was extremely heavy, the amount of suffering Ellie had been through. But that didn't make him anymore socially adept.

He looks at her carefully, frowning a bit, tilting his head.]

Do you...

Do you want a hug?

[ Ellie is too shocked to even put two and two together that Matthew had seen everything, that he was aware that Ellie had been bitten and that secret was basically out. Not with such a heavy weight on her shoulders. ]

[ Crying in front of something is certainly not something Ellie is proud of or even wants to do. She's done it a few times since her arrival here, but that was with Joel, someone who might try to acknowledge her at least a little but is obviously horrible at it. She'd learned to internalize everything, to move on and try to forget about it. But this was her mother, the woman she'd wanted to know so badly for so long. That image of her face, her beautiful face covered in tears, that will never leave her. But for now? It practically haunts her with that large bite taken out of her. To have to give birth to a child, and then... ]

[ She knows Marlene had to do it. She had to kill her. Ellie had to do it with Riley, after all... ]

[ Ellie doesn't respond to Matthew, because she completely shuts down. She leans forward, putting her face in her hands and just... Losing it. Losing it completely when she can't do anything but feel how much her mom must have suffered. ]

[He's silent for another few moments, watching her with slightly parted lips and a frown that looks almost concerned.

He slowly reaches out and carefully touches her forearm, ready to pull back if she reacts badly; if she doesn't, he'll just wrap his hand around her wrist in what he thinks might be a comforting gesture.]

[ Ellie sits there a while, unmoving and not able to make a change to that. She feels Matthew's touch, but she doesn't react to it. There's a long time that she's stuck in that memory, wishing she could go back and do something but reminding herself that she was a fucking baby. ]

[ The crying goes on for a while... Ten minutes or so. But when reality settles in again, the tears finally stop. She sniffles, hands furiously rubbing at her eyes. And she forces a laugh. ]

Oh my god, this is so fucked up.

[ That's all she can say. ]

[Once she starts to rub at her eyes, he lets go, leaning back in his seat again.]

Did we go too far?

[ Everything starts to come back together for her... The memories, Matthew facilitating them, commenting on them. Her hands suddenly drop from her face and she looks up to him. ]

Did you see it? All of it?

[ Even the part where she'd been bitten? ]

[He looks for a moment like he doesn't understand the question.]

All of what?

[--Oh. Plainly,]

Yes. Of course I did.

[Is she upset because he saw her emotionally vulnerable? Or maybe because he saw her kiss another girl? (Wouldn't that be a riot.) He looks at her quizzically, waiting for it to come out.]

Shit.

[ Ellie sighs, lowering her head a moment to try and keep herself from practically freaking out. Of course he saw all of it. ]

Just...

Can you keep all of that to yourself? Please?

I'm not interested in telling other people your life story, Ellie, even if someone were to ask me.

[He smiles.]

So did you die, or did the disease not affect you?

[ It's getting easier to contain herself, but hardly any easier to process everything she'd just seen. It shows on her face, and she still finds tears needing to be wiped away from her eyes. Ellie takes her sleeve and pulls it over the heel of her hand, drying her face with the fabric. ]

I'm immune.

[ She says very matter-of-factly, but not without deep regret in her voice. ]

You're so young to have been through this much.

[He says it plainly, not with a sympathetic tone; he isn't great at comforting. He hesitates, unsure what to say.]

I've outlived friends, too. And I died. For what it's worth, I still prefer surviving.

Still waiting for the surviving to just...

[ She shrugs. ]

Stop.

Why?

[It's an honest question, point-blank and unpadded.

He can guess why, of course, but he wants to hear what she'll say.]

I don't know. I just.

I feel like it should have been me. Not her.

[He shrugs a shoulder.]

What would change, if it was? This would all still be happening. She'd be feeling like you are, now, instead of you. And you would be wherever the dead go.

Yeah.

[ Another sight, and Ellie puts her face in her hand. ]

Yeah, I know.

[ Christ, she feels like she shit her heart out and someone shoved it back in. ]

[He rubs his hands together on the table, feeling the blackened cuts across his fingers.]

...You okay, kid?

[ Ellie nods, lowering her hand again. ]

No. But I will be.

[ For the first time in a while, she tries a smile. ]

Look, I know it was probably awkward sitting through that, but...

I mean, five minutes ago, I wouldn't have been able to say that I had seen my mom's face before or heard her voice.

All I had was a letter, a knife, and her name.

Thank you.

It wasn't awkward, Ellie. This is what I do.

[Okay, it was a little awkward. The crying.

But he smiles back at her.]

You're welcome.

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